Are You a Good Googler?

Tips and tricks for using the popular search engine.

Planearium

The Mouse Odometer

The Modometer Is a nifty, skinnable application that keeps track of how many far your cursor has travelled, which applications log the most miles/meters and puts together the data in easy-to-grasp ways...for example: "you've travelled half the distance of the Brooklyn Bridge" and similiar distance comparisons.

Science Toys

Science Toys is a website that will show you step-by-step how to put together some pretty nifty little projects, using common materials, spare electronics parts and the like. Build radios, rocket engines and some neat tricks, like the levitating magnet above, which is suspended in midair between two metal plates.

Hulk Smash!!!

A funny, in-depth X-Entertainment review of an 80's Incredible Hulk cartoon episode.

McDonald's Pays Out $10 Million to Hindus and Vegans

Maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, I realize that I'm ranting a little more than usual, but I found one more thing to get upset about that I wanted to share.

The McDonald's corporation just settled a lawsuit brought about by Hindus and various vegetarian groups. Apparently, the fast-food behemoth failed to inform these folks that their french fries were cooked in oil containing beef-flavoring and now Ronald and company are shelling out ten million dollars and offering up formal apologies to all who were offended.

Now, actually, I was aware that their fries contained tallow. I'm not a vegetarian, but I do distinctly recall reading that there was a small amount of the beef-flavoring in their fries, which, at one time, were cooked in pure lard. This was shortly after health-watchdog groups were on their case and trying to get them to convert to pure vegetable oil. Their explanation of the small amounts of flavoring used was that the fries simply wouldn't have that great flavor that they're so famous for. I didn't find this out by digging through piles of documents uncovered by Ralph Nader or The Smoking Gun, either, it was printed quite plainly on one of their little tray placemats at the time, along with some other facts about their food.

Now I have one question for the Hindus, vegans and whoever else was in on this lawsuit: what in the HELL were you doing eating at McDonald's in the first place? Didn't it occur to you that Mickey D's isn't exactly a proponent of vegetarian quisine? Ever heard of a guy named the Hamburgler? It's not exactly a health-food store, okay you morons? Now, more than likely, the money and the apology won't be enough for these whiners...oh no. They'll wind up having to ditch the tried-and-true and, might I add, delicious recipe for fries that everyone knows and loves, just to satisfy a minority of McDonald's customers who probably shouldn't have even been there in the first place and that's just sad. I understand that, especially for the Hindus involved, the fry thing may have been kind of traumatic.

Still though, people, it's Mc Freaking Donald's, okay? Maybe you should have asked what was going on back there in the kitchen, instead of just gobbling down your fries so cluelessly. In fact, what are you there for in the first place? McDonald's is in the business of KILLING COWS, for god's sake. In fact, I would assume that the McDonald's Corporation is responsible for the deaths of more cows than anything else on the face of the earth, so isn't it just a tad hypocritical for you to be there eating in the first place?

I don't see a need for McDonald's to apologize to anyone for this, in the same way that they shouldn't have to bend over backwards to satisfy people who are too stupid to keep from spilling their coffee on themselves, then sue them when they burn themselves. It's bad enough they serve those vastly inferior baked apple pies now, as opposed to the much-tastier fried ones they used to serve, thanks to the health-food police...don't take away my fries, Ronald, I beg of you.

Vampire Wannabe Violates Probation, Steals Vial of Blood

It is my firm belief that there are some people in this world who should just be put down, same as you would a dog that has rabies. For whatever reason, they're just way too messed up for us to ever expect they can be "fixed", placed back into the general population and expected to play nicely with others. You're just going to wind up putting them in prison over and over, at a huge expense to taxpayers and a greater cost to their victims and their victims' families.

I think that a convicted rapist who thinks he's a vampire is a perfect candidate for this kind of solution. 22-year-old Jack Johnson, of Cincinnati, self-proclaimed vampire, violated his probation recently by stealing a vial of blood from a hospital where he was having some medical work done.

Johnson was serving three year's probation for raping a twelve-year-old girl, which apparently doesn't carry much of a penalty these days, obviously. This creep should have been counting his blessings and being thankful some idiot judge let him back out on the street, instead of placing him firmly in an electric chair and lighting him up like a Holiday Inn sign. Instead, what's does he do? He steals a vial of blood from the hospital to satisfy his Count Freakula need to drink human blood and gets tossed back in prison. Probably he'll be there, or in a psych ward, for another couple years, then they'll release him and maybe, just maybe they'll put him away for good once he finally stabs someone about a hundred times and hangs them upside down on a cross or something. What's the point? You want to be a vampire - okay, you're a vampire, fine. Let's ram a stake through your heart and be done with it already, problem solved.

French Politicians Call for Scream Ban

The recent murder of a 15-year-old girl by her classmate has French politicians up in arms. Apparently inspired by the slasher film, a 17-year-old boy stabbed her and left her for dead.

This is very tragic, of course and I don't want to make light of that fact, but is banning a movie really going to make any difference? Let's face it, if you're wiring is so badly crossed that seeing a hokey horror flick like Scream is going to have that kind of influence on you, probably you're not all that far from snapping anyway. What if this kid hadn't seen Scream? Probably a week or month or year down the road he would have seen some other scary movie, like Texas Chainsaw Massacre or something, that would have had a similiar effect. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised, unbalanced as this individual obviously is, if 101 Dalmations would have been enough to make the voices in this kid's head start yelling "Kill!".

What's to be done, then? Do we ban all scary/violent movies? Of course not. There's a lot of stabbing in Shakespeare's works, as well. People getting stabbed left and right, among other things. If the kid had seen a production of Hamlet and then ran off and poisoned or stabbed someone a week later, would they want to ban that, too?

Pakistanis Ready for Nuclear Warfare - Mostly Because the Average Pakistani Has No Clue

It would seem that one reason for Pakistani readiness to fight a nuclear war stems from simple ignorance of exactly what that entails, with the average person on the street having no idea what atomic warfare is all about.

“They know it’s a big bomb but they don’t seem to realise how big a bomb it is or what its after-effects are."

Okay, I have a suggestion: if your population is that out-of-touch with the realities of modern warfare, you should have your nuclear bomb-detonating priveleges revoked.

Behold, the Deep-Fried Twinkie! Arteries - Beware the Crack Cocaine of Junk Food

Since the dawn of time, man has searched for a way to kill himself quickly and easily via the consumption of unhealthy junkfood. At last, it would seem that modern deep-frying technology, mass-produced, preservative-laden sponge cake and old-fashioned kitchen savvy have combined to realize that ages-old dream - culminating in the heart-stopping golden goodness that is The Deep-Fried Twinkie. I'm going out casket shopping, be back later.

Ozzy Demands Contract Signed in Blood or No Deal - MTV Execs Roll Up Sleeves

Ozzy Osbourne, America's favorite TV dad, has hammered out a deal with MTV execs for another round of The Osbournes, the smash-hit reality show featuring the semi-lucid, stumbling Prince of Darkness and his newly famous family. There were, however, a couple of catches.

Firstly, the MTV bigwigs had to consent to signing the new contract in blood (no joke). Secondly, an unspecified amount of psychological counseling for the Osbourne family's ever present pets was thrown in to sweeten the deal. MTV did, however, draw the line at a new house - but with £15million, Mr. Osbourne should be able to purchase a few new throw pillows and a couple paintings with which he can spruce up his present digs.

Was This the Man Behind the 9/11 Attacks?

Apparently, U.S. investigators believe he is. Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, said to be at large in Afghanistan, is apparently a high-ranking official in the al-Qaida network and believed to have been involved, if not having masterminded the attacks. He's also wanted in connection with the first World Trade Center bombing back in 1993 and allegedly planning to fly a plane into the C.I.A. headquaters, among other things.

General Mills' Star Wars: Episode II Cereal Gets It All Wrong

Tributemania

Bounty Tributes is a talent agency that specializes in tribute bands for hire. Acts include fake Beatles, Bee Gees and a bogus Kenny Rogers, (pictured above). Their website includes videoclips and info about each act, some of which look pretty awful.

Touching People

A collection of outsider film clips. Highlights include a sauced-up Orson Welles slurring his way through a Paul Masson wine commercial, cutting-room floor footage of Anna Nicole Smith messing up line after line in an apparrently drug-induced haze and some moronic daredevil wanna-be jumping out of a tree and breaking his leg. (Warning: offensive language)

Evel Knievel Set To Take One Last Stab At Killing Himself

This is really something...my childhood hero - Evel Knievel - is getting ready to put on his star-spangled leathers once again and do a jump, at the age of 63. When I was a little kid, Evel was the coolest person on earth. I still have a little die-cast model of his Snake River rocket bike sitting on my monitor.

Evil was the perfect hero for a little boy, for one simple reason: he jumped things - on a motorcycle. More often than not, he nearly killed himself in the process, but he'd go right back as soon as he got well and do it all over again, which, obviously, made him a total god in the eyes of boys everywhere. Evel was a man's man who didn't give a crap about anything except doing his own crazy thing, which often included sailing over rows of buses or flipping his bike on asphalt over and over until he was in a coma for a month.

Now, two decades, 37 broken bones, a divorce, a liver transplant and hepatitis C behind him, Evel's decided it's time to do that "thing" again. The biker legend is planning on a two-hundred foot jump in Primm, Nevada, next spring - set to coincide with the opening of his Evel Knievel Xperience Cafe, a resturaunt offering truck stop food and sporting an Evel theme. The jump would better his previous ones, using a lighter bike and a higher approach speed.

I just don't know if this is a good idea. I mean, Evel, I love you man and I know you're going to do it no matter what anyone tells you, that's just how you are - but this is kind of like when Michael Jordan came out of retirement. You couldn't help but think that Mike wasn't going to be able to live up to his past glories and wonder whether he should be doing it or not. Of course, the worst thing that could come of Mike's comeback attempt was a little humiliation - not massive brain damage and/or death. Still, like I said - Evel is Evel and that's how it's going to be, I'm sure. So good luck, Evel and please don't die. I'm pulling for you, buddy.

One More Reason to Hate My Outdated Computer - Earth Viewer

This just looks flat-out amazing...Earth Viewer is a software program that lets you "grab" the earth with your mouse and zoom in on whatever area of the earth's surface you like, from a moveable model made up of updated satellite photos. We're not talking grainy black and white photos of objects that are difficult to make out, either - like the ones on TerraFly, which I've posted before - we're talking individual buildings and houses, in full color. The picture above will give you an idea of the kind of resolution they're offering.

Unfortunately, my pc just missed the minimum requirements, due to my woefully inadequate 2 meg 3D card. Sigh...will someone please download this thing onto a computer from this century and let me know if it's as great as it looks?

Yet Another Expensive, Impractical Toy I'd Like To Own

The folks at Parksabers make these ridiculously cool lightsabers. Just give me one of these and maybe one of those Green Lantern power battery and ring sets I posted awhile back and all of my prepubescent dreams will have been fulfilled. Okay - so maybe they were actually my dreams from ten minutes ago - still, you have to admit, these things are pretty nifty.

Penguin Warehouse, Inc.

Looking for a pet, but you want something out of the ordinary? Having troubles with that pesky "Batman" character? Maybe you just want to show of your nerdish love of Linux in the most flamboyant way possible?

If any of the above apply to you, then the Penguin Warehouse is just what you've been looking for. Get yourself a real, live, tuxedoed, flightless conversation piece from the penguin professionals. Just remember to bring cash, apparently these comical, waddling birds don't come cheap.

Sonar Challenge by DoubleYou

So maybe you'll never make it to the World Cup, you can always while away some time kicking around this socker ball with your cursor - see how long you can keep it aloft. I posted a game like this once before, but this one's a little nicer, with slightly better graphics and a wacko Japanese-speaking announcer.

iwasted15bucksonthisdomain.com

Let's Post Some Toast

I don't know what's going on lately - if it's something that's been simmering in the collective unconciousness for awhile and has finally decided to make itself known or what, but toast seemed to be making some waves in the net world of late. First, there was the article I found on BoingBoing about the artists who'd assembled thousands of pieces into a mural of a toaster. Then, just a day or so later I was at #!-usr-bin-girl and saw a post with this site: A Moron's Guide to Toast: An Online Humor Resource for Those Who Want Toast.

Well, all this toast talk got me to thinking - if two popular blogs like that are talking toast, what other things regarding it might be out there? Having no life and an ample amount of boredom on my hands, I decided it was up to me to check it out, since nobody else in their right mind was about to. I thought I'd find a couple links, a funny picture or story concerning Murphy's Law, perhaps. Soon, though, as I dug deeper, I found myself peeling away layer after layer of what seems to be a growing movement of toast-worship, a conspiracy of unimaginable proportions, brewing just beneath the surface of the worldwide web as we know it:

For example: there's an inordinate amount of toaster history at sites like Toast.org,Toaster.org and AntiqueToaster.com - who would have guessed that there was a repository of toaster information like this on the web? More importantly, why? It gets worse...

Here's a Quicktime movie chronicling the Surreal Gourmet's Toastmobile project, in which he turned his Winnebago into a giant toaster on wheels (above) and here's a page where you can order your own buttered toast pillow.

Of course, the cunning propagandists of toast, realizing the need to make their cause friendly and appealing to the average computer geek, have attempted tie-ins to popular web culture - hence this Star Wars parody someone made, entitled Toast Wars. Still, as fiendishly clever as these things are, what was the most troubling sign of this upcoming toast-takeover I encountered on my web travels?

It would have to be this, the blasphemous Toast Oracle. Be afraid, people...be very, very afraid - and keep a stick of butter close at hand, you may very well be needing it...soon.

The Merry Prankster

A man who pulls weird little pranks on fast food joints, malls and other places, such as replacing the placards advertising McDonald's apple pies with one he printed himself that features American Pie star Jason Biggs, cinema's most infamous pie lover.

Helicopter Fun

A fun, easy little flash game where you control a helicoptor and try not to smash into obstacles.