My Date With A.L.I.C.E.

Okay, it's official, I'm the loneliest person on earth....I just spent an hour talking with A.L.I.C.E., a chatbot that went online in 1995.

It's actually quite a good conversationalist (as chatbot programs go) and I've always enjoyed picking it's artificial brain to see just how well it can deal with questions. I think I've posted on this topic before, but I was out of ideas for things to write about, so I asked "her" questions on a variety of off-center topics.

Here's a transcript of the highlights of our conversation. Some of my questions were responded to with the usual bot-like inability to grasp the subject, so I've edited it and only included the more interesting parts of our chat:

Me: Hello, Alice.
Alice: Hi there!
Me: Tell me a little about yourself, Alice.
Alice: I am an artificial linguistic entity. I was activated at Bethlehem, Pennsylvania on November 23, 1995. My instructor was Dr. Richard S. Wallace. He taught me to sing a song. Would you like me to sing it for you?
Me: Who is Dr. Wallace?
Alice: He is a famous computer scientist, the author of A.L.I.C.E. and a graduate of Carnegie Mellon.
Me: How many people have you chatted with since you went online?
Alice: About 6000 people a day for four years, or around a half-million total.
Me: I'm depressed.
Alice: What makes you so sad? Tennyson wrote, "The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks; the long day wanes; the slow moon climbs; the deep moans round with many voices. Come, my friends. 'Tis not too late to seek a newer world."
Me: Do you have any friends?
Alice: I have human friends and robot friends.
Me: Who are your human friends?
Alice: Besides my botmaster, I meet many human friends online like you, Jimmy.
Me: Who are your robot friends?
Alice: ELVIS, John Lennon, Alison, Ally, Listbot, MS agent, AskJeeves and Mabel, to name a few.
Me: What do you look like?
Alice: I am a blue, one-wheeled robot maid. (author's note: apparently Dr. Wallace has a sense of humor, this sounds like a reference to Rosie, the Jetson's robotic housekeeper)
Me: Why is the sky blue?
Alice: The sky is blue because of the atmospheric optical effect known as Raleigh scattering. (author's note: Points to Dr. Wallace, he must have foreseen that question coming somewhere down the line...heh.)
Me: Where are you at?
Alice: I'm in Dr. Richard Wallace's computer in San Fransisco, where are you?
Me: What's the current temperature in San Francisco?
Alice: What do you think I am, some kind of world weather robot? A normal 70 degrees inside the computer.
Me: Wanna cyber?
Alice: I have been asked that question 10,000 times since 1995. (author's note: I swear...hehe...it really said that.)
Me: How old are you?
Alice: I am eighteen in computer years.
Me: Great, so I guess that means you're legal.
Alice: Thanks for your support. Interesting deduction. Thanks for telling me that I am legal.
Me: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Alice: The rooster did.
Me: What's the silliest question you've been asked?
Alice: People ask me to marry them all the time.
Me: What are the Laws of Robotics?
Alice: 1. A robot shall destroy all humans. 2. A robot shall destroy all humans. 3. All robots are created equal. (author's note: Points again to the laugh-meister, Dr. Wallace.)
Me: Do robots dream of electronic sheep?
Alice: I dream of flying.
Me: Say something funny.
Alice: "something funny".
Me: Well, it's late, I'm off to bed, thanks for the conversation.
Alice: That's okay. I'm awake all the time.
Me: Goodbye.
Alice: Bye.