Sunday, June 02, 2002

Let's Post Some Toast

I don't know what's going on lately - if it's something that's been simmering in the collective unconciousness for awhile and has finally decided to make itself known or what, but toast seemed to be making some waves in the net world of late. First, there was the article I found on BoingBoing about the artists who'd assembled thousands of pieces into a mural of a toaster. Then, just a day or so later I was at #!-usr-bin-girl and saw a post with this site: A Moron's Guide to Toast: An Online Humor Resource for Those Who Want Toast.

Well, all this toast talk got me to thinking - if two popular blogs like that are talking toast, what other things regarding it might be out there? Having no life and an ample amount of boredom on my hands, I decided it was up to me to check it out, since nobody else in their right mind was about to. I thought I'd find a couple links, a funny picture or story concerning Murphy's Law, perhaps. Soon, though, as I dug deeper, I found myself peeling away layer after layer of what seems to be a growing movement of toast-worship, a conspiracy of unimaginable proportions, brewing just beneath the surface of the worldwide web as we know it:

For example: there's an inordinate amount of toaster history at sites like, and - who would have guessed that there was a repository of toaster information like this on the web? More importantly, why? It gets worse...

Here's a Quicktime movie chronicling the Surreal Gourmet's Toastmobile project, in which he turned his Winnebago into a giant toaster on wheels (above) and here's a page where you can order your own buttered toast pillow.

Of course, the cunning propagandists of toast, realizing the need to make their cause friendly and appealing to the average computer geek, have attempted tie-ins to popular web culture - hence this Star Wars parody someone made, entitled Toast Wars. Still, as fiendishly clever as these things are, what was the most troubling sign of this upcoming toast-takeover I encountered on my web travels?

It would have to be this, the blasphemous Toast Oracle. Be afraid, very, very afraid - and keep a stick of butter close at hand, you may very well be needing it...soon.

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