Say, What's That Around Your Neck? "It's Grandma!"

In an apparent move to one-up the Whammo toys creator's having his ashes put into a limited-edition run of Frisbees for family and friends, these folks will turn your dearly departed's carbon into a diamond.

Stan Lee - Dirty Old Man

Well, true believers, Legendary Marvel Comics creator Stan Lee will soon be unveiling his latest project, a new cartoon for TNN called Stripperella, modeled after and voiced by Pamela Anderson. Stan says the toon, which revolves around a stripper with superpowers (i.e., the ability to use her tongue to scan and fax things by licking them and lie-detecting breasts - yes, you read that right - lie-detecting breasts) is really "...a family show...but for a highly sophisticated family.'' 'Nuff said. Time for your medication, Stan.

(Who am I kidding? I'll be watching this crap...I'm shallow.)

Tanya Harding - Woman Behind Bars - Now Showing on Skinemax!

Tanya Harding arrived at the Clark County Jail in Washington yesterday, prepared to serve a ten day sentence for drinking while on her probation. Why am I bothering to post this? Well, mainly for the benefit of all the freaks who used to come here through Google via searches for things like "Tanya Harding + Naked + Pics". Yeah, I know, it boggles the mind, but it happens, day in, day out. Weirdest part is, I was never really that high up in the search results - so these dudes weren't idly checking on a whim, they were going through maybe twenty pages of results, scanning site after site, holding on to the hope that their somewhat pathetic dream of seeing America's most infamous Olympic trailer trash naked would come true.

The Internet is a scary, awful place sometimes and instead of fighting it, I'm just going to pander, pander, pander, my friends. So here's a little scrap for my Harding perv visitors - as well as anyone who likes to laugh at the troubled lives of hapless celebs. Hope you enjoy it.

By the way, check out the look of absolute glee on Tanya's face as she heads towards the jail. What's up with that, was she drunk when the picture was taken, as well?

Starlight, Starbright...

Really huge pics of galaxies and other celestial eye-candy from the Hubble Heritage Museum.

Space Rock

A funky little Flash game - try and avoid the asteroids and keep your spaceman from getting destroyed.

Phil Plait's Bad Astronomy

I've got a nagging feeling that I've posted this before, but what the heck, here it is again.

Phil's site points out all kinds of common misconceptions about astronomy as seen in the movies, on television and everyday life.

Actual Items

I don't watch as much as I used to, but Conan O'Brien's Late Night is probably my favorite talk/variety show and one of the bits he does that I always liked was his take-off of The Tonight Show standard where Jay takes real ads and personals from small-town newspapers and points out the funny or strange things about them.

Conan's version is called Actual Items and although they're decidedly bogus, they're pretty funny.

Conan used to have a really great site, with features like this and many others. Apparently NBC decided to get cheap on him, though and for awhile it was cut back to nothing but a short bio and a description of who was going to be on the show that night. At least they've brought back Actual Items and a couple other comedy features.

Serious Burns

A nicely done site devoted to Monty Burns, of The Simpsons fame. More information about Springfield's richest and oldest man, with screen grabs, lines, scans of comics and other goodies.

I apologize in advance, but I have to say it: it's exxxcellllent.

"Mr. Sulu, Raise Shields!", Says Defense Dept.

Apparently they've developed an electrical "forcefield" for tanks that will vaporize enemy rockets and shells on impact.

The Golden Age of Hoaxes

Some are funny, others not-so-funny - but they're being perpetrated on a grander scale than ever before. Personally, if it's not something despicable, like the fake anthrax stuff or email scams, I love a good hoax. I've posted links to several here since I started this blog, the Cottingly Faeries, Crop Circles, The War of the Worlds, etc.

I like the fact that there are people out there who offering up the silly or unbelievable and somehow able to pull the wool over our eyes, only to point their finger and laugh as we ask ourselves, "How could I possibly have believed that bullshit?"

Elvis Statue Weeps "Miracle Tears"

Well, I'm gonna file this one under the category of "It had to happen, sooner or later". Some Elvis nut in the southern Netherlands claims his plaster bust of The King wept miraculous, salty tears on the 25th anniversary of Presley's death.

The owner of the statue is a self-professed medium who talks to Elvis regularly (big surprise there) and even more amazing, there have been hundreds of visitors to his home to bear witness to the event, which has happened several times over the past five years.

Obviously, this is a hoax - as Elvis Presley, to my knowledge, is still alive and currently undergoing treatment for arthritis under the watchful eye of a Montana doctor. If you don't believe me, just ask any British gambler.

WWWF Grudge Match

Celebs, movie stars, politicians, etc. - paired up and pitted against one another in a vicious world-wide-web battle for supremacy. The voting and final call is made by the site's visitors, the analysis and color commentary by two guys so well-versed in pop-culture trivia you'll swear they've never ventured more than ten feet from their couch or been exposed to any source of light, other than the warm, hypnotic glow of a cathode-ray tube.

Sam Malone vs. The Fonz, Forrest Gump vs. Rain Man and my personal favorite - The Bandit vs. C.H.I.P.S - they're all there, struggling for survival and living and dying by the click of the mouse. Maybe I've just watched too much television myself, but I think these guys are really funny.

Bionic Comeback

It appears that Jamie Sommers will be coming back to the small screen in an updated version of The Bionic Woman. There's no word yet whether original series star, Lindsay Wagner will appear in the show but it's assumed that the lead will be played by someone else. A companion series to The Six Million Dollar Man, the 70's show featured Wagner as Steve Austin's tennis star girlfriend, who, when injured horribly in an accident, was rebuilt with bionic parts much as he was. (Steve Austin, of course, was the original Six Million Dollar Man, not the wife-beating idiot WWF star of the same name).

I'm just curious as to what kind of price-tag the show's producers will place on the new Bionic Woman's fictional operation. If I recall the old shows correctly, Steve explained to Jamie that she cost a "little less" than he did. Sexism? Nope - "Smaller parts", Austin explained :)

Who Doesn't Love Gadgets?

If you do, the Gizmodo Gadget Blog will keep you up to date with the latest nifty, shiny things in the world of electronics - covering such categories as pcs, laptops, home entertainment systems and trendy items like the Hello Kitty USB hub pictured above. And yes, Tara - there's even a section on PDAs :)

How to Build a Time Machine

A little "Oh wow, man...dude, like, what if you..." type material to chew on from The Scientific American website.

By the way, thanks to my friends who voted me up to a 9.2 the Blog Hot or Not site this morning and to Cory from Boingboing for posting my time capsule letter on their site this today. All in all it made for a nice day to wake up to.

Elvis Fan Artist Mows the Image of The King in Field

Little bit late on this one, seeing as the anniversary of Elvis's death was a couple days ago, but it's neat so here you go - an artist in the Hudson Valley mowed this massive image of the late Mr. Presley into a 50 acre wheat field. He submitted it to the Elvis Tribute Week Art Contest in Graceland and won best of show.

Get Out There and Vote, People!

Last night I signed up for Blog Hot or Not. As of this writing it's a 6.6 with nine votes in. Toss me a bone, people, okay? I don't even have a wishlist on this thing, for gosh sakes. I'd love to login tomorrow and find a seven or even (gasp!) an eight. This link takes you directly to my voting page.

Thanks :)

Reach Out and Touch Someone - in the Year 52,002 A.D.

Apparently (assuming this isn't a hoax, I haven't researched it but it sounds legit) some French folks are going to send up a time capsule - in a satellite that will orbit the earth for ages and finally plummet from the sky roughly 50,000 years from now. Here's the cool part: they're letting anyone who feels the urge to attach their own email messages (up to 6,000 characters) for posterity and, ostensibly, their future descendants.

I'm currently an unmarried, socially-inept computer nerd, so it's beginning to look as though the genetic buck may stop here for me. However, I couldn't resist leaving a message for the society of the future. The following is the shoutout I plan to bestow upon the giant-headed, galaxy-travelling, silver-spandex wearing, futuristic peepz:

Dear Futurefolk,

I sincerely hope that this message is being read by a human, as opposed to a dirty, horseback-riding, talking ape. That said, I'd like to tell you that I'm utterly amazed anyone managed to make it out of the 21st century. What with the wars, plagues, global warming and all the scary implications of the genetic and technological innovations of recent years, for anyone to have made it past the year 2020 was quite a trick and I applaud you on your hardiness. You're a very resourceful crew, indeed.

I suppose someone either managed to rally the earth's people and bring about some social epiphany, ushering in a new era of peace and enlightenment for mankind or - more likely - you're a world of ultra-badass motorcycling mutants with mohawks and shotguns who've managed to shrewdly survive by hoarding gas, killing those weaker than yourselves and drinking your own urine for sustenence. Hey, either way - good for you!

By the way, how are the cockroaches?

Yours truly,

Jimmy Olsen - Your Simple, Barbaric Ancestor

Star Wars Is My Best Movie

Chewbacca is stronger than my Dad. He would kick his ass. One comment from my pop about "walking carpet" and --=Kabaam!!=--. Chewie would knock his ass through the floor.

May The Force Be With You.

David Lee Roth, Spambuster!

I'm hesitant to link to anything on Geocities, due to their utter crappiness, but this was just too funny and I had to post it. "Jason", of the Scam Joke Page got one of those emails from a so-called Nigerian businessman claiming to make him a zillionaire and kept up a very long and funny correspondence with him under the guise of David Lee Roth - American business tycoon. The subsequent exchange of emails is hilarious - at one point Jason even emails the guy a picture of himself (or rather, of David Lee Roth, former frontman of Van Halen, in all his 80's bleached-blonde glory) and has the clueless scam-artist referring to him as "Diamond Dave" in his letters.

I'm really curious how many people have fell for these emails and wound up in Nigeria with their money gone, beaten up and left for dead or without a passport. I'm sure at some point someone has, though - which is surprising, as the perpetrators don't seem to be the sharpest crayons in the box themselves, judging by these missives.